Liquid fast? I'm not sure if that's a good idea...

Well. 163.6 this morning. I think that's a new low since I started over. It doesn't feel as exciting as I figured it would. I suppose that's because I know that I would be a lot smaller by now if I hadn't fucked up so many times over the course of the past two or three weeks.

Oh well. 163.6 is certainly something to be happy about. I told myself last night that I would be liquid fasting today in order to kick start my plan to lose 20 by my birthday. If I do manage to do that, I'll be at 146 (considering where I was when I set the goal) by the middle of August. Seems like a bit of a pipe dream, but hey... I'm just that crazy.

The only thing with liquid fasting for me is that I can never concentrate on my work when there's no food in my system. I had a bit of a protein shake this morning (just a few sips, so probably around 50 or 60 cals) and resisted the temptation to make some eggs. Thing is, I have been in recovery long enough to know that, after I've reached my goal, I will have to maintain it in a healthy way or the results won't stick. I can't fast and starve forever (I know I could, but my fiancee will NOT allow that), so in order to keep myself from gaining all the weight back, I have to remember that crash dieting is not my friend.

Easier said than done, right? So maybe not liquid fasting. I don't want to fuck my metabolism like I did last time. Maybe a light lunch and a few smallish snacks in addition to my salad for dinner... nothing totaling over 900 for the entire day (I was gonna say 500, but then I realized that that's pretty much starving myself anyway and I just made a big ol' speech on how that's bad, mmkay?).

I got really drunk last night (ha...you mean like every night?) and put on a little strip tease for D. He liked it. Looking back, I'm a little surprised that I had the confidence to do something like that. Then I remember the power of 100 proof vodka and my insane ability to knock back shots like they're Kool-Aid.

I didn't end up working out yesterday OR going for a walk with the baby. I need to do that. I know she loves getting outside in her stroller and we ALL know that my fat ass needs the exercise. I will have to do that today. Also, I need to seriously cut back on the booze. It's expensive and I forget big chunks of time and whole conversations and it's making me fatter by the day. If anyone has any suggestions on how to NOT be an alcoholic... or at least any tips on how to slow down... I'm all ears.

Stay lovely, dearies.

P.D.