Two pounds down in two days like a BOSS

165.2 this morning. I'm winning. :P

That's... what? 12 pounds since I started over? I'll have to check my dates to be sure. Either way, I'm ecstatic.

Last night, I had a dream that I stepped on the scale and it read 144.2. That was awesome. Then I'd only be about ten to twenty pounds away from my "reasonable" stopping point. I'm not allowed to go below 125, apparently. It took more than a year, daily murderous workouts at the gym, multiple diet pills and prescription drugs, lots of purging and intense anorexia to get me to 124 before and I don't necessarily want to go down that road again.

Speaking of purging... Yeah. Last night. I was not so winning there, was I? I don't know what possessed me to devour the rest of my daughter's Spaghettios and a bunch of chips with queso and salsa, but as soon as I had started, I couldn't stop and I knew that I couldn't afford to keep it down. My whole day would be ruined.

I was alone for about ten minutes and had to take the opportunity. Unfortunately, by the time I emerged from the bathroom, D was back from the store and I have no idea if he heard anything (I'm out of practice and can't do it quietly anymore). Not that I want to start doing it again. It's very, very, very BAD, mmkay?

I should get to work for the day. Just wanted to check in and share the good news about 165.2 and whatnot... I hope you all have a lovely day and, in case I don't get the chance to say so, a beautiful weekend as well.

Much love to my lovelies,

P.D.

New low and still going.

167.8 today. That's after last night's failure of three baked chicken wings, cheesy scalloped potatoes and lots of sweet peas. I'm retarded.

Oh well. Today's off to a good start. 220 calories and lots of cold, cold water. Feeling pretty good, though I could use some coffee. Too lazy to make it.

The fiancee and I got into a long, drawn-out cry fest last night (I was the only one crying). I admitted that I had binged and purged a couple nights ago when he was gone. That marks the first time in over a year. I promised him that I wouldn't do it again and I hope I can keep that promise. I hate throwing up. I hate binges even more.

So yes. 167.8. I'm on my way. Between 400 and 800 food calories a day for the past week or so. Alcohol naturally decreases as I don't eat as much. Don't wanna get shitfaced. Often.

I miss all my lovelies. I hope you are all well in whatever stage of this crazy life you find yourself.

Stay perfect.

P.D.