Friday, July 23, 2010

I very literally have bruises on my ass from the bones there...

I don't like it.

And I'm not even skinny enough to have that kind of problem.


I know I've been gone for nearly a fucking month. I'm so sorry.
Know that I'm sorry. Know that I've been busier than I can even begin to tell you.

I'll put up a photo of the last project I completed for my 2D design class. I'm especially proud of it. Took about 40 hours to draw, I guess, as much of it was stippling with an extra super teeny tiny ink pen. I love it, though. Thus, the insane business that's kept me away...

That all being said... I don't know how often I'll be able to update over the next couple of weeks while summer school is still going on, but I will try. I've been getting back into my hardcore eating/non-eating/whatever you want to call it type issues as of late and I'm loving/hating it like I used to and it's where I belong. I feel it. Self-destruction is where it's at. Ha. Twisted bitch. Whatever.

So I took a couple photos for you ladies this morning, just to give you an update, an idea of where I am, and included one of the little one and I out to dinner the other night for good measure cuz she's just so darned cute. :P Oh, and there's the one of the stippling/line project from 2D design. :D

128.4. No laxies. I'm guessing probably 127.6 or so, had I gone and laxied last night, but I didn't figure it necessary, as I've been all but starving lately anyway. Had a good sized salad and some veggies yesterday, though, and a banana in the morning. Good chance that they were showing on the scale today.

Bruises. On the underside of my very UNDERSIZED assets. Saw them yesterday for the first time. NO, I'm not taking photos of those. :P But they're most certainly there. I'd noticed the discomfort associated with sitting on any semi-hard surface a few days ago. Anything without padding is pretty severely uncomfy; my butt bones push through my non-butt and it's like I have to shift over and kind of sit sideways in order to get any semblance of a normal sitting feeling at all. This is...weird...and not really cool... Because it means that I have no ass at all... I mean, if I wear the right jeans, it still looks OKAY... but definitely not womanly anymore. The love of my life...YES... YES. THAT...AHHH!!! You don't KNOW ABOUT THAT!!! GAH!!!

HOLD UP! Shit. GOD. Haha...Oh man. Sorry. Okay... I'm...My thoughts are all over. I have to tell you about that too. Umm...I'll come back to him. :D :D :D

Anyway... He's coming back..from... This will clue you in if you've been a loyal true blue follower for a while... <3 If you haven't, no worries, mate, you'll get a clue here in a sec... but he's coming back from Australia in four days... FOUR DAYS... and I want to be perfect for him. He's so excited to see me; it's been nearly two months. He's seen pictures me... *blushy blushy* and he loves my body. Loves my bones, even. YES! Am I in freakin' ana heaven? But he also loves my tits and ass and thighs... and my ribs and my hipbones and my shoulderblades...gah. Can he have both?! I don't know. I just don't know.



How to summarize... how to not get myself in trouble... ha. There's this wonderful lovely amazing man who I'm fairly certain you'll think I'm crazy for loving so deeply so early on (known him since January) but to be quite frank, I don't give a rat's beautifully beasty behind. He's a children's literature professor at the university I attend and he's my foreverlove. He's from Australia originally but has been living here for a few years. He's the most amazing man I've ever met and we are mad for one another in more ways than I've ever imagined two people could possible love. I won't bore you anymore with that. It's ...just... It is insane. And it's unimaginably wonderful. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I can't wait for him to get here, to be here, to touch my face. I want to hear his voice more than I want anything in this world.

He made a comment about how much he admired my self-control, my discipline, in reaching my goals and all that. He knows about my ED because we don't hide anything from one another. He supports me in what I do as long as I don't harm myself, and he knows that when I reach the point in my life and in myself at which I am completely ready to embrace recovery, I will do so. He will be there to help pick me up when I stumble, to support me then as he does now. For the time being...he loves me just as I am, and accepts me with all of my flaws, all of my scars, and all of my imperfections as I struggle for perfection. And he loves my fucking bones. Gah.


So.... How are ya'll?

I've missed you.

Oh, and Friski? I got your comment about the Topa, but it was from an Anonymous comment, so I couldn't comment back? I forget the exact site I got it from now, as it's been so long and I just have a legit script from my shrink now... BUT... I do remember that I just googled "Topamax without prescription" and went from there. Did some research on the cheapest and dove headfirst. Kinda scary, but if you want to do that and then run your findings by me after, I'd be happy to see how I could help. :D

Stay lovely, my skinnies. I do adore you fiercely.