Friday, July 23, 2010

I very literally have bruises on my ass from the bones there...

I don't like it.

And I'm not even skinny enough to have that kind of problem.


I know I've been gone for nearly a fucking month. I'm so sorry.
Know that I'm sorry. Know that I've been busier than I can even begin to tell you.

I'll put up a photo of the last project I completed for my 2D design class. I'm especially proud of it. Took about 40 hours to draw, I guess, as much of it was stippling with an extra super teeny tiny ink pen. I love it, though. Thus, the insane business that's kept me away...

That all being said... I don't know how often I'll be able to update over the next couple of weeks while summer school is still going on, but I will try. I've been getting back into my hardcore eating/non-eating/whatever you want to call it type issues as of late and I'm loving/hating it like I used to and it's where I belong. I feel it. Self-destruction is where it's at. Ha. Twisted bitch. Whatever.

So I took a couple photos for you ladies this morning, just to give you an update, an idea of where I am, and included one of the little one and I out to dinner the other night for good measure cuz she's just so darned cute. :P Oh, and there's the one of the stippling/line project from 2D design. :D

128.4. No laxies. I'm guessing probably 127.6 or so, had I gone and laxied last night, but I didn't figure it necessary, as I've been all but starving lately anyway. Had a good sized salad and some veggies yesterday, though, and a banana in the morning. Good chance that they were showing on the scale today.

Bruises. On the underside of my very UNDERSIZED assets. Saw them yesterday for the first time. NO, I'm not taking photos of those. :P But they're most certainly there. I'd noticed the discomfort associated with sitting on any semi-hard surface a few days ago. Anything without padding is pretty severely uncomfy; my butt bones push through my non-butt and it's like I have to shift over and kind of sit sideways in order to get any semblance of a normal sitting feeling at all. This is...weird...and not really cool... Because it means that I have no ass at all... I mean, if I wear the right jeans, it still looks OKAY... but definitely not womanly anymore. The love of my life...YES... YES. THAT...AHHH!!! You don't KNOW ABOUT THAT!!! GAH!!!

HOLD UP! Shit. GOD. Haha...Oh man. Sorry. Okay... I'm...My thoughts are all over. I have to tell you about that too. Umm...I'll come back to him. :D :D :D

Anyway... He's coming back..from... This will clue you in if you've been a loyal true blue follower for a while... <3 If you haven't, no worries, mate, you'll get a clue here in a sec... but he's coming back from Australia in four days... FOUR DAYS... and I want to be perfect for him. He's so excited to see me; it's been nearly two months. He's seen pictures me... *blushy blushy* and he loves my body. Loves my bones, even. YES! Am I in freakin' ana heaven? But he also loves my tits and ass and thighs... and my ribs and my hipbones and my shoulderblades...gah. Can he have both?! I don't know. I just don't know.



How to summarize... how to not get myself in trouble... ha. There's this wonderful lovely amazing man who I'm fairly certain you'll think I'm crazy for loving so deeply so early on (known him since January) but to be quite frank, I don't give a rat's beautifully beasty behind. He's a children's literature professor at the university I attend and he's my foreverlove. He's from Australia originally but has been living here for a few years. He's the most amazing man I've ever met and we are mad for one another in more ways than I've ever imagined two people could possible love. I won't bore you anymore with that. It's ...just... It is insane. And it's unimaginably wonderful. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I can't wait for him to get here, to be here, to touch my face. I want to hear his voice more than I want anything in this world.

He made a comment about how much he admired my self-control, my discipline, in reaching my goals and all that. He knows about my ED because we don't hide anything from one another. He supports me in what I do as long as I don't harm myself, and he knows that when I reach the point in my life and in myself at which I am completely ready to embrace recovery, I will do so. He will be there to help pick me up when I stumble, to support me then as he does now. For the time being...he loves me just as I am, and accepts me with all of my flaws, all of my scars, and all of my imperfections as I struggle for perfection. And he loves my fucking bones. Gah.


So.... How are ya'll?

I've missed you.

Oh, and Friski? I got your comment about the Topa, but it was from an Anonymous comment, so I couldn't comment back? I forget the exact site I got it from now, as it's been so long and I just have a legit script from my shrink now... BUT... I do remember that I just googled "Topamax without prescription" and went from there. Did some research on the cheapest and dove headfirst. Kinda scary, but if you want to do that and then run your findings by me after, I'd be happy to see how I could help. :D

Stay lovely, my skinnies. I do adore you fiercely.


  1. OMG!!! Wait - is this Australian McHottie professor?? Holy crap, girl! He sounds delicious in so many ways and I am SOOOOO happy for you :) It's awesome when you find that person who accepts for all that you are, and how great is it that he is okay with the ED?!?!?

    Work it, you sexy thang, you! xoxo

  2. WOOT!! McHottie in da house... 4 DAYS!
    Girl you are gonna get some delicious bootie!!! Ehh uh, well obviously you NEED to get A bootie too, but that's a whole 'nother point.
    What you really need to do is take a sneaky (pretending to text) picture of him for us. hehe.
    I would love to see HIS tush... uhhh I mean face.
    SOOO glad to finally hear from you again!
    LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU and your mini you!
    xoxo zen

  3. I'm sure rough sex with Mr. Australia would be a great workout.
    Y'know. Just saying.
    Pssh, not like you were thinking about that at all.

    are you sucking in on that photo when your lying or are you just laying with your stomach regularly?

    i love your hair also !

  5. I can't believe your not sucking in! I was sure off it !
    oh how far i have yet to come .. blah!
    i'm wearing sweat pants from my sisters at the moment and an ipodhoodie and i look quite hot.. those sweat pants make you look THIIIN! i love it :P think i'm gonna go buy some pepsi max to show them off.. but if i do i'll go to the candy bar and stuff a smarties chocolate in my mouth .. i loooove smarties chocolate.. oh well

  6. I missed you muchly. Congrats on Mr. McHottie and I'm glad you are back :) Please stay!

  7. Oh she's adorable! I could just smoosh her little face!

    And well, he just sounds fucking perfect, doesn't he? I do love an accent... Zen has it right, none of us'll judge you if you chain him up and leap on him.

    I have bruises all over my hips and hipbones. In particular, my hips - they're black and blue, and i have NO idea why. My knees also keep banging together, that's quite annoying.

    *poke* Don't be gone for too long next time!

    Also, i like your flowery kinckers - they're very pretty.


  8. Aw sweetie! I've missed you! I sort of felt like you weren't interested in little old me any more and it made me sad.

    No need to apologise. I've been pretty absent too, at least in comparison to former days. Think it may have something to do with the fact that I was procrastinating from about a million things (err, final year exams!?) and now I have nothing to do, I have nothing to avoid by writing nothing-ness on blogger. Stupid way my mind works.

    We were just chit chatting about hair gripes, not hair loss. I don't know what can help with that, other than getting adequate nutrition (Vitamin E supplements??) if it's down to your diet. For HIDING hair loss though I find Nanogen products to be a GODSEND. I use their 'Nanofibres' to fill in areas of thinness. Basically they're tiny fibres that cling to existing hair and make it bulk up. Kinda like mascara for your head! I never believe this sort of shit but I swear it works. I basically can't go out in public without the stuff. They do other products to help with re-growth which I haven't tried but I can vouch for that stuff at least, and the locking mist to keep it in place. Also it kinda acts like dry shampoo and sucks up grease so you can wash your hair less often. Bonus!

    You are looking beautiful my lovely. As always, so much thinner than your supposed weight. You look small and sculpted but still healthy. That's the main thing, I hope you're happy and healthy. And your new man sounds WONDERFUL!

    Glad you're back. Much love. xxx

  9. Oh my god, you are so skinny! And that little on is completely adorable :) Congrats on landing McHottie!! That's awesome, and he sounds amazing. I'm so glad he is supporting you!
    Yay I'm just glad you're back :)

  10. Thanks for following me...following you right back!

  11. I bet if you were sitting on his...erm....lap, you wouldn't get butt bruises! Ha!

    So you got yourself an Australian. Damn you. I'm jealous. I would make it mandatory that he say my name all the time, just to hear it in his lilting voice.

    Love your art project. Stippling is fun, but it takes so long! I've stippled something before. It gets old, but the payoff is great. And I love solar/cosmic stuff, so the planets and sun are right up my alley. Tell you what, I'll give you my address, you can mail it to me, and I'll hang it on my fridge like a proud parent! XD

    Have fun, peace out! Missed you!


  12. I think the art is gorgeous. and I have a thing for gorgeous things. Ever upload anything to

    Don't go bonkers within four days alright? It's pretty exciting, though!