Monday, September 13, 2010

What have I become, exactly?

I have put on so much weight... At least seven pounds in the past month. I can't believe what I see in the mirror... I am absolutely hideous...

I haven't been this depressed in years. Nothing feels okay...

I don't know what to do...but I can't be ... This.

How can I be numb AND so very sad simultaneously?

I just want to sleep forever.


  1. I have put on shit loads too. Cant even recognise my body. Its hideous yet I can't seem to buckle down and do something about it, so since I am in the same boat I can't really help. But good luck.


  2. Hi
    Just wanted to wish you the best!
    Though everything may seem distant at the moment, it always comes back eventually. You'll find the happiness you deserve one day :-)
    Till then you'll just have to hold on to your life and your beautiful daughter.
    Feel better! <3

  3. oh lovely, I know exactly how you feel.
    We need to try as hard as we can to stay positive, you are an amazing person. search for that little bit of hope, and you can do it.
    pull yourself out, you're stronger than this.
    I hope you're alright, x.

  4. I love you! I adore you! I dream about you! I think about you! I miss you! I want to give you a big bear hug! And I want/ need/ mostdefinitelycannotlivewithout -you! Indeed, I do. We're going to make it through this. Just you wait and see, with me, together.

  5. *cyber-hug*
    i know you'll get out of this we always do. we have our ups we have our downs, sometimes our control slips but we always grasp back on. i know you can, you're so strong, and awesome and beautiful!!! you've made it every time this one isn't different!!!
    stay strong
    muah muah muah

  6. we are never as hideous as we think we are.

    we still think we are right because the only possible (physical/psychological) way we can see ourselves is through are own eyes. any other way would imply trusting a foreign source ..

    so trust me .. you are not hideous.

  7. Maybe quitting Topa will help balance things out emotionally? I was a mega-bitch for the first couple weeks while weaning off it. Things are more focused and clear now. I can actually function again.
    It's hard to "feel" or rationalize how we feel when a drug is screwing with our brain.
    I love your girlie... don't be sad. {{HUGS}}
    xoxo zen

  8. you always do look so much skinnier than your weight..just to let you know.I hope you feel better now, you know how much the way we feel, determines the way we percieve ourselves..