Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Failing and Planning... BIG things.

So my birthday is a little over a month away and I have resolved to lose 20 pounds by the time we have my party at the pool. I certainly don't want to be fat for my own birthday party. D will NOT be looking at other women on THAT particular day (actually, he probably will be, but he'll say it's just because he's a guy and he can't help it and I shouldn't be upset because he's with ME and not THEM, etc.).

Anyway. I'm not really doing much to help me reach my goal. Or, at least, I haven't been over the last few days. I went to my great aunt's funeral yesterday and the traveling should have been a good excuse to eat very little. Oh, but NOoooOOOoo... I couldn't POSSIBLY have taken advantage of *that* opportunity. No. I ate. And drank. And ate some more.

I bet that if I stopped drinking altogether, I'd probably lose that 20 pounds BEFORE my birthday.

RIGHT. Like that's gonna happen. I can openly (not proudly) admit that I drink far too much on a daily basis. That's going to have to stop before I end up causing irreparable damage to my internal organs. Seriously.

Anyway... I have decided that weighing this morning, after such a fail weekend, would not be a good idea. The pizza I had last night would inevitably show on the scale and cause me great depression throughout the rest of my day. Rather, I believe I will try to work out today at some point and eat very little... THEN weigh tomorrow. If it's higher than 166 by that point, I will be quite unhappy. But still motivated.

I hope you are all doing well. I feel like taking a long (all day long) nap. Too bad I have to work and shit.

Stay lovely, loveys.



  1. Aaaaaaaand once again, this is your friendly neighborhood Della snooping around your blog again. Is this weird? Why am I still looking for your blog 3 years after our weird internet friendship that ended so suddenly? Why am I reading through every comment I left on your blog, trying to figure out who Della was and who I am now, and whether she and I have anything in common anymore? For that matter, why am I still a mess? Della was 15, bulimic, shy, and immersed in her little Bloggerville world. I am 18, still eating disordered but not really sure where I am on the spectrum, still shy, still angry, still quiet, an atheist, a lesbian, the black sheep of the family, the good girl of the family, part of an online ED community, then gone from that community, now forming another... I have been through treatment, been drugged, painted pictures and drawn outlines of my body and practiced mindful eating, but still, I cannot bring myself to be whole. Am I looking back because Della made more sense? Or because she was naive and didn't know what was coming? I don't know. I also don't know why I'm writing this at 2:08 in the morning when I should be sleeping or at least doing something constructive. But I do know that I miss you.

    1. Oh, my sweet Emmy. I miss you, too. Entirely. It's good to know how you've been and how you're doing, even if all of the news itself isn't very good.

      I can't find your blog, so I'm assuming that you don't have one at the moment. I hope that you read this and know that I'm thinking of you. Oh, and also, I'm pretty much all of the things you are except that I'm 25 and straight. But yeah... we still have tons in common. I'm thinking now that I can just email you. Duh... I haz teh smarts.