Monday, June 18, 2012

Trying a new approach. Let's see how long it lasts.

So weighing every single morning is obviously not making me happy. I avoid eating anything unhealthy and when I must for the sake of having dinner with my family, I cut my portion size considerably and fill up the extra space with a salad. Still, the scale's not budging and I can't figure out why (other than the drinking, of course).

I didn't dare see what it had to say this morning. No, no, no, not after last night. It was Father's Day, after all, and I wanted to do something nice with/for my love. We went out for dinner and drinks and instead of getting a salad as planned, I decided to say fuck it and enjoy myself for once. I kept trying to remind myself that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but I just had to let go... Just to avoid going insane. Plus, a little release goes a long way when you've been denying yourself...

Long story short, I ordered a chicken and vegetable kabob over basmati rice with sweet and sour dipping sauce. Yeah, food IS like porn, I know. Anyway, it wasn't a steak or a sandwich or pasta, but it WAS something other than salad. And I ate a lot of it. Then I had a light beer, a gin and tonic, multiple shots and a few more drinks when I got home. Oh, and two bites of ice cream cake and a sip of chocolate milk.

I decided, as my mouth just about had an orgasm over the cake, that I wouldn't weigh this morning. It would just be ASKING for disappointment and discouragement. In fact, I've decided that I won't weigh at all until next Monday. A full week. Can I do it? I don't know. It's easy enough to talk a big game on the first day, but I know I'll see it and want to... But no.

I'm rambling when I should be making money. So broke after yesterday. Maybe child support will come in? Ha.... That's funny.

Much love to my lovelies...



  1. I used to try weighing myself once a week so I would have more time to make progress instead of inching along. But if I don't weigh myself in the morning and get that disappointment that the number isn't lower, I don't have anything encouraging me NOT to eat that bowl of ice cream, those chips, the pretzels, etc.

    Of course, I'm not supposed to be losing weight right now because i'm pregnant, but the weight gain has caused me to go ballistic and start mentally preparing myself to cut down the calories as soon as the baby is born and I've breastfed for three months or so.

    1. I completely feel you. On all points. Particularly the pregnancy weight thing. I have no excuse for having gained upwards of 60 pounds while I was pregnant other than the fact that I had starved for years and was now TOLD to eat more... what better excuse could I have needed?

      Now that my baby's seven months old, I'm still at 170? No excuse. I mean, I couldn't diet too much when I was nursing (three months exclusively, supplemented until six). But now that my body is free of any responsibility with that, I have all the room in the world to starve if I want. Too bad I consume at least 2,000 a day in alcohol. :/ That's got to stop. I don't know how.

  2. Completely agree with your decision not to weigh yourself on a daily basis. I know your reason for doing it is because you let yourself go last night.

    I, however, would even suggest holding off on weighing yourself even when you're doing well. I'm only saying this because sometimes it can be an even BIGGER discouragement to get on the scale the day after starving yourself only to see the number not budge. Personally, I do it every few days.
    Wishing you luck <3

  3. It's so wrong of me to be glad you're back here, because we all know this is no fairy tale. This is a personal torment, a level of hell that no one can drag us back from, only ourselves. I'm sorry that you are back here, but damn... I'm conflicted, because I really missed you. I'm horrible at the social media thing, obviously, but there's no excuse for that...

    Anyway. You are amazing, you know that, right? Really, truly, awesomely so. I wish I had your will power, I must admit. The fact you can go without pasta, that's a miracle for me. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I've eaten just that every day this week. Why? I'm a masochistic asshole, that's why. Damnit, enough about MYSELF! Rawr!

    YOU totally kick ass every way to Sunday, you understand? Stay on it! You inspire me, and many others, I'm sure of it.