Friday, June 8, 2012

HOLY BLUE BALLS, she's gone public again...

Yes. Yes, I have.

I don't know why. This pretty much defeats the purpose of the other (public) blog I've started. Ummm... I have no comment.

Long story short: I recovered. I quit university a year early to get engaged and have a baby, move five hours away from my family and start a job from home that involves sitting at the computer pretty much all the time. I'm a fatass and I hate myself yet again. Good. Now we're caught up. Somewhat.

***

Meh. I'm mildly intoxicated. I spend most (read: all) of my nights this way nowadays. It helps me keep my mind away from all that is expected of me (and yes, I mean that which is expected OF me by EVERYONE and that which I expect of MYSELF).

I really had no other point in this blog post other than that which I pointed out in the title. I mean... Sorry. But I missed you guys WAY too friggin' much. And, from what I can tell from the bit of looking around I have done... FAR TOO MANY OF YOU HAVE DISAPPEARED.

I shouldn't say that. I SHOULD say, rather, that maybe some of you have found better paths, that you have discovered more fruitful endeavors...

I don't know wtf I'm saying. I just... I miss you. I miss this community. My recovery ... well. That is another story for another day. Another SOBER day. For now, however, I shall go to bed drunk, but happy to have stayed under 800 food calories (alcohol kills in calories, in case ya didn't know)... Psst... I knew that you knew...

I hope that I at least still have a few of my good friends left here. I miss you all and I regret leaving you. Recovery was an experience that I will never forget and will, undoubtedly, experience again in the future. However, I am without access to the proper medication and therapy that I require in order to fight this. Therefore, I will follow what guides me now. My gut.

My guts says that I shall be thin. I shall be beautiful. I shall be happy. I shall be in control. Once again, I shall be all of the things that made me feel GOOD about myself.

I'm rambling. It's late. I love you all. <3

As my tattoo (dedicated to all of you as much as it is to myself) says,

STAY LOVELY

P.D.

2 comments:

  1. I just saw that you have updated after a few months. I'm glad to see you back, but also not so glad...if that makes sense. I took some time away from blogger too and gained a shit ton of weight. Back to the drawing board, as they say.

    Congrats on your new baby girl.

    What job are you doing from home? Sounds interesting.


    ~MLM

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  2. Yay you're back!! Just found your blog again! I was a reader before you went private! Hope you're doing well! I'm following now! XO

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