Friday, June 8, 2012

HOLY BLUE BALLS, she's gone public again...

Yes. Yes, I have.

I don't know why. This pretty much defeats the purpose of the other (public) blog I've started. Ummm... I have no comment.

Long story short: I recovered. I quit university a year early to get engaged and have a baby, move five hours away from my family and start a job from home that involves sitting at the computer pretty much all the time. I'm a fatass and I hate myself yet again. Good. Now we're caught up. Somewhat.


Meh. I'm mildly intoxicated. I spend most (read: all) of my nights this way nowadays. It helps me keep my mind away from all that is expected of me (and yes, I mean that which is expected OF me by EVERYONE and that which I expect of MYSELF).

I really had no other point in this blog post other than that which I pointed out in the title. I mean... Sorry. But I missed you guys WAY too friggin' much. And, from what I can tell from the bit of looking around I have done... FAR TOO MANY OF YOU HAVE DISAPPEARED.

I shouldn't say that. I SHOULD say, rather, that maybe some of you have found better paths, that you have discovered more fruitful endeavors...

I don't know wtf I'm saying. I just... I miss you. I miss this community. My recovery ... well. That is another story for another day. Another SOBER day. For now, however, I shall go to bed drunk, but happy to have stayed under 800 food calories (alcohol kills in calories, in case ya didn't know)... Psst... I knew that you knew...

I hope that I at least still have a few of my good friends left here. I miss you all and I regret leaving you. Recovery was an experience that I will never forget and will, undoubtedly, experience again in the future. However, I am without access to the proper medication and therapy that I require in order to fight this. Therefore, I will follow what guides me now. My gut.

My guts says that I shall be thin. I shall be beautiful. I shall be happy. I shall be in control. Once again, I shall be all of the things that made me feel GOOD about myself.

I'm rambling. It's late. I love you all. <3

As my tattoo (dedicated to all of you as much as it is to myself) says,




  1. I just saw that you have updated after a few months. I'm glad to see you back, but also not so glad...if that makes sense. I took some time away from blogger too and gained a shit ton of weight. Back to the drawing board, as they say.

    Congrats on your new baby girl.

    What job are you doing from home? Sounds interesting.


  2. Yay you're back!! Just found your blog again! I was a reader before you went private! Hope you're doing well! I'm following now! XO