Thursday, October 22, 2009

Just a quick little update...

So I don't feel that I have much time to write tonight; maybe it's because my daughter is fussing about wanting a lollipop even after I explained to her the reason as to why she cannot have one, AND we're getting ready to head off to the bf's house for the night (hopefully) AND I need to get more laundry done before we do that. I actually have something positive to report today (crazy, huh?) concerning my physical and mental well-being: I ran today even though I didn't have time and felt a ton better all day because of it. I skipped a shower in order to work out longer, but it was worth it; not a single person noticed. ;) Then again, no one was all up on me or anything either, so I'm thinking I should actually get cleaned up before I go planning on hugging my significant other. Another tick on the to-do list. As for the mental side of things... I feel that, during my weekly dose of therapy, we may have discovered at least part of the reason I'm struggling so much with my eating lately... Now I don't know the reason behind the reason yet, but we're taking baby steps here. I'm using food as a distraction more than anything else, I think, but we're not yet sure what I'm trying to escape in the first place, just that food is the channel chosen to escape it. For the few minutes that I'm eating any given thing (the more of my senses involved in enjoying the food, the better) I am not doing ANYthing else, nor am I thinking about anything, anyone, anyplace, ANYTHING else at all... Just the food. I'm pausing the world and taking it all in, breathing in with all of me, smelling it and loving it. My eyes are hungry as they take in all of the colors and curves and lines of whatever it is, and my fingers touch it all over, anticipating the texture as it will feel on my lips, my tongue, and between my teeth and cheeks. Texture is huge. Nearly as huge as taste. Naturally, taste is the most important, but the feeling of the given food ultimately moving down my throat and satisfying hunger, physical or emotional, sometimes somewhat masks the full enjoyment of flavor, sweet or salty, sour or savory. I've always eaten this way, and thought nothing of it, thought I just really really enjoyed food. Apparently, there's a deeper reason for it. Working on exploring that currently. Makes sense, though, when you think about it... The moments spent enjoying something that fully, that wholly, simply cannot be moments of anything unpleasant. Like sex. Kinda, huh?

Have a good one.

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