Wednesday, October 21, 2009

What is going on here?

This restless, hurried feeling won't go away... and for once, there's no reason for it. I don't have any exams tomorrow, I don't even have any assignments due, and yet I feel like I can't relax. I sit down at the computer to chill out and suddenly feel that I'm wasting time, like I should be up doing something productive...but what? Ride the exercise bike some more? That old thing is too damn loud to use this late...liable to rile up the little one and it's nearly her bed time. I suppose I should be bathing her...Well, not really, not yet... Damn. It's the weirdest thing. I'm often restless, I suppose, anxious even. But not like this... I feel like if I don't "take care" of something, or fix something, or do whatever needs to be done (which, in this case, is an unknown or nonexistent something) then I'll go crazy. I'm wondering if it stems from a combination of a few things. I know I've overeaten today and I'm obviously not content with that fact, and I'm looking forward to the morning as the time I finally get to (somewhat) make up for it by getting to the gym early and running more...That's not it, though. It could also be related to the fact that I may have failed my test today in my last class because, despite plenty of time to study, I didn't, and I was completely unprepared. :( Man. Oh, and some really, incredibly important paperwork I mailed yesterday is due on the 23rd... day after tomorrow... I realized this afternoon that I didn't put a stamp on that envelope at all. How could I forget something like that, you may ask? Well, it's no excuse, really, but I mailed it with a stack of other pieces of mail that didn't require postage at all, and so it simply slipped my mind. As I checked the mail today I had a sudden flash of yesterday, and suddenly became very worried. Sure, it'll probably be sent back to me tomorrow (I can only hope) but then the chances of my getting it back to the recipient in time are very slim...I'll need to call tomorrow and see if I can't fax it to them instead... Hearing a 'yes' to that question would remove a whole heap of new stress from my shoulders nearly instantly.

I can tell that this is probably boring you. I apologize. I'm just trying to find the origin of this weird anxiety so I can get rid of it. I'll need to, if I'm to sleep at all tonight...

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