Christmas is canceled.

Well. Here I am again. My mood is not quite as somber and depressed as it was earlier, so perhaps it's good that I write now, if not only to spare you more needless self-deprecation.

The weather has taken a turn for the worse here, and we're suddenly expecting a blizzard that will more than likely last for a few days. It's very possible that we won't be able to get together with the boyfriend's family for Christmas Eve or even Christmas day, which is pretty sad, actually. I was really looking forward to spending some time with his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmother. Hopefully the snow won't be as bad as they're projecting...we'll see.

On the bright side of that, no Christmas gathering means no Christmas dinner. I mean, sure, we'll have some holiday food here, but we're certainly not going to be bombarded with the usual potluck style smorgasbord we would traditionally see on a holiday like this. That's one good thing, I suppose.

Today, I finally got to work out the way I've been needing to. One hour of hitting it hard on the elliptical... 570 calories burned. Sad thing is it didn't make me feel any better about myself in the slightest. Hardly even covers the alcohol calories I consumed last night. Meh.

So...I think I'll use this big blank field right here to figure out my day's consumption, if only for myself. I haven't done it all day, not on paper, just in my head. I'm a little scared to do it now, but I don't think I've done too badly overall... Guess we'll see.

Oatmeal: 130
Spinach: 20
Apple: 30
Clementine orange: 24
C&S Atkins bar: probably about 15
Coffee: 10
Part of my daughter's PB&J (fail): about 150
Goldfish crackers: 20
Cauliflower: 10
Fatfree yogurt: 35
Vietnamese veggie/chicken dish: 200
Apples: 70
Banana: 100


Well..That says 814. That doesn't seem right. I'd be happy if it really was 814. But...somehow it seems like I must be missing something, forgetting something. So...I guess I'll round up to 1000 and stay there. Leave a little leeway in case I'm forgetting something.

Burning over 500 calories on the elliptical is always good, but last night...UGH...last night. I just want to forget about last night. Alcohol and chocolate and bread, an all out, full-on binge in direct defiance of all that I am, all that owns me.

I will put last night behind me and stop beating myself up about it. There's no use in doing that now. *sigh...* Oh, and I need to remember to write down my food as I eat it. Every single thing that passes my ungrateful lips. Then there's no room for error.

Ah, I wish I had the strength to fast. For days. Alas, I can't. I know I can't, so I won't set myself up that way.

Looks like it's family game time.