I'm ashamed to post this, and at the same time, I'm hoping that it'll manage to somehow hold me accountable...maybe make me less likely to eat anything else today.
These calories were consumed over a nine hour period, starting at approximately 7:30 this morning. It's now a little past four. Fucking fail. Seriously. Where's your self control???
oatmeal..............130
craisins...............20
sugar (coffee x 2).30
apple...................30
orange.................40
cinnamon sugar....15
pork chop (2 oz).....100
broccoli................20
rice.....................20
1/2 banana.........40
peanut butter.......90...and then 50 more...
green beans.........10
carrots...............30
cereal..............120
milk.................46
part of daughter's mac & chz...45
peas...........40
Total @ 4:55 - 876 ... i.e., FAIL
I think I'll just go ahead and round it on up to 900. Better safe than sorry.
I broke down to my boyfriend for a few minutes about how shitty I felt. Angry and frustrated with myself. How I felt the intense NEED to punish myself for my weakness, failure to adhere to my own guidelines...my own *rules*...Then I stopped talking. The last thing I want is for him to see me as some kind of lunatic. Obsessed. So I am. Whatever.
If I just avoid eating for the rest of the afternoon and evening...stick to my water and tea...I think I'll be okay. I HAVE to get down there to work out. At least 400. Then...I'll be okay. No more food. No more food. Do I want to be a fatass forever? NO. Then stop fucking shoveling food in your mouth. Simple, right? I hate that it's such a simple concept...and I still utterly fail to execute it correctly.
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