Saturday, April 3, 2010

ANNND...Chocolate tastes like vomit. We are officially in Hell.

...or is that Heaven?

That's a tough question to answer.

So I'm not completely removed from civilization just yet (obvy) but I will be shortly (it's 8:01 in the AM and K wants to leave by 9...we shall see if THAT goes down as planned!) and I just couldn't keep my tappity little fingahs away from teh Bloggah!

Why, yes! I AM addicted AND crazy. You win a prize.

No, not a cookie.

Why?

Because cookies make you fat and they taste like dog shit.

The kind of dog shit you used to find on the playground as a kid, all parched and white and powdery; the kind that made you wonder wtmf even though you OBVIOUSLY wouldn't be wondering such acronyms as a sweet liddle chillun on the playground.

That's kind of what my delicious Jillian Michaels 100% whey protein double chocolate shake tastes like today...

And I'm kind of glad it does. Ya know?

Like poo...and barf...and reassurance.

At least it lets me know these itty bitty pills are doing something besides making me feel completely neurotic.

So now I don't feel like eating breakfast. That'd usually be a good thing, I suppose, but I tend to need some kind of nutrients before a two day hike. I'm almost positive the seemingly perpetual morning breath feeling will subside here in a few hours and I'll be able to eat something on the road (this is a three hour road trip!)...Geez...I just realized that...Good thing K and I really love each other a boatload, huh? :P No radio in my car...no air conditioning...Just me, and him, and the sound of traffic and wind and hopefully, as we leave the bounds of the concrete jungles and many, many car dealerships and FAR too many overpriced habeeb gas stations and disgustingly alluring fast-food joints...hopefully it'll be just us and the raw, untouched beauty that is the gorgeous west Texas hill country. Lovely. I'll be sure to take pictures!! :D

Oh, and in case you were wondering about the weight thing...this stuff definitely raises your BMR. I usually burn about 1200 calories a day, just laying in bed and living (according to all of those basal metabolic rate calculators, but who the heck can trust anything these days?). As it is now, I'd guess I'm burning quite a bit more, as my body temperature is increased, as is my heart rate. Curious as to "how much I could get away with," I tried having a few things I wouldn't even DREAM of eating on a normal day over the past two. I've had a bagel, for example. Totally forbidden. Chocolate. Ice cream. No fried foods, that's just disgusting. No meats, either. Well, I had shrimp and chicken, so...yeah. Anyway. You get my drift. Point is, I should have gained tons with everything I've been eating.

Nothing.

139.0.

So. Logic says that if I start restricting like a good little girl and stop stuffing myself beyond reason, I should see a loss. Stop bingeing? What an novel fucking concept! Isn't that the purpose behind these drugs in the first place, P.D.? SERIOUSLY? Yeah. It is.

Sorry I'm so rambly. And I'm sorry if this stuff bores you to tears. I'm just so enthralled by it all, and I felt like sharing. I promise I'll stop, just as soon as the newness of it all wears off and I'm back to "normal" again, whatever that is.

I love you dearly! Can't wait to return to you.
<3

12 comments:

  1. OMFG I LOOOOVE the dog poop picture. That's the kind that doesn't stick to your shoes.

    Jillian Michaels can't make good chocolate for ya anymore, but Hershey's still can.

    {{yesss all you skinnies... We can eat chocolate and still lose}}} *evil cackle* heeehehehe

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  2. Have fun!!! well; when yu read this, hope you gad fun!!!
    stay strong
    muah

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  3. Haha, Zen, that made me giggle. "OMGG I LOVE DOG POOP" xD
    Have alot of fun, and be sure to eat enough to stay strong during your hike! :]
    xoxo

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  4. So does that mean that dog poop tastes like a Jillian Michaels protein shake? Just sayin'.

    Maybe it doesn't work like that.

    Have a blast, and be safe! Catch ya on the flipside!

    peace

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  5. what are you taking that makes you not gain weight?!!!?
    That would be a fricken lifesaver...if ya

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  6. Omg... your posts never fail to make me LOL. Don't stay away from teh bloggah! Your tappity fingers must dance to the phantasmagorical beat of neuroticism.

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  7. haha! have fun!
    i'm glad you're all happy and nonsense-y again.

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  8. This is what you want to happen, stop friggin complaining!! Lol. If only chocolate tasted like dirt to me. I just made a ginormous triple layer, truffle-cream filled, ganache iced, chocolate cake, complete with chocolate curls and mini eggs to decorate. Boy I do love to make other people fat. Sadly I have eaten about half of it in the process. So that'll just be me getting fat then. *sigh*.

    This is the way the magic pills will work: you will stop binging because everything tastes gross. You will eat far less, but without those cravings driving you what you will attempt to eat will be nutritious and good for you. Your metabolism will also be running super fast and you'll burn burn burn those pounds! I have foreseen this, it will happen! Believe it.

    Have a wonderful trip away lovely! xx

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  9. Pd, you entertain me so much! Such a funny post! Have an amazing time with your boo!

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  10. You're such a comedienne! I can't wait til my T-max gets here.

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  11. Ha, well choclate isn't guna taste fun for awhile, I'm jelouse. I wouldn't worrie, just take food with you and then if you pass out K can stick it in your mouth and tell ya to chew. What pills are you on again? I'm jelouse jelouse jelouse.

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