Friday, April 2, 2010

Help! I...I can't taste my wine!!

Yep. My Lambrusco tastes of alcoholic ocean water. And yes, I'm still drinking it. These pills put me on edge. Momma needs her comedown, ya hear?

Yeah, the Tope's doin' its certain things. It's kind of temperamental, it would seem. Or my brain is. Usually, my breakfast tastes like salty cardboard (MUSHY cardboard, if it's oatmeal, and it usually is). As the day wears on, however, food begins to taste wonderful again, and I eat again. Though my appetite has drastically decreased (I tend to have a sense of fullness most of the time, despite having very little in my stomach), food is still CONSTANTLY on my mind. This is to be expected, of course. A pill won't fix my ED. We know this. Medicine won't cure an obsession. If only, right? All the same, taking Topamax is supposed to aid in my endeavors to overcome my binge eating/c&s problems gradually, in conjunction with continuing therapy. I have to do my part. Read: I HAVE TO STOP BINGEING.

Zen, thank you. Your last comment really has helped allay many of my fears and apprehensions concerning all of this over the past couple of days. I have to give it time. It's only been a few days! It feels like forever already! And I can't be so impatient. I know that with my Wellbutrin it took weeks to really build up in my system so that the full effect really began to show...I HAVE to give this the proper time to do the same. Here I am, messing with my own dosage like I have some kind of medical degree...Tweaking it here, deciding when and how much to, P.D.? Honestly? This is your BRAIN CHEMISTRY we're talking about here! Leave it to the professionals, right?


I just..I've been eating. A lot. And dealing with all of the little side effects of this new drug in the only way I know how. Eating even more. I've got terrible heartburn for much of the day, hot flashes, headaches, irritability, and bouts of anger that arise out of nowhere, and just as quickly subside and make way for huge dips into unexplained depression...I like to think of it as my body's way of adjusting. It raises your body temperature so I'm always hot. Conversely, it inhibits sweating so you have to be really careful not to get TOO hot, and to drink tons of water. I'm not gonna bore you all with all this stuff. :P You can read the FDA's version of it if you want all that nonsense.

Ah well, K is waiting for me to go play some zombie board game with him, so we're gonna go do that. Tomorrow, we hike! And camp. That should be fun. Little B is at Grandma's for the weekend, so no worries there. Yay, outdoorsy stuff! :) I wish I could write more...I feel like there is just so much more in me, and so little time...all the time.

I hope you all are well, and I will miss you dearly in my absence from technology over the next couple of days.


  1. Glad to hear the Tope's working, in some way at least heh :P
    Have fun camping!! :)

  2. Zombie board game? This exists? And I haven't played it? Shame on me.
    I'm happy to hear that the T is working at least half-way. I'm definitely curious as to the side-effects and if it actually does anything. Thank you for being such a brave and courageous guinae pig of sorts. And have fun camping! I'm jealous. :)

  3. Sorry about the unpleasant side effects. I hope that you can give yourself a few days to see the results of the medicine truly doing its job, like you said. PD, you are strong and you're gonna be fine! I believe in you, I do! I hope you have an amaaaazing time this weekend :) Can't wait to hear all about it.

  4. Yeah, I still keep trying to get these assaholic drinks, down my throat. Pathetic much? Some things just never taste the same.
    Don't fret about your intake though. Give yourself time to ease into restricting. It will become easier. I finally ate (alot) yesterday, and didn't gain an ounce. This stuff really kicks ass.

    {{HUGS}} Hope you start feeling less stressed soon. Maybe try a Cosmo with a big splash of lime? They are more flavorful than wine. Might be easier to get down.

    Much luvs,
    xoxo zen

  5. Oh and WATER!!! Not the usual cliché. Noticed cotton mouth much?? I always feel stuffed after I have a glass or two. You will always be thirsty on Topa. Drink before you try to eat... that may be all you need. So don't forget. Be prepared to pee all day and night for the first few weeks.

  6. Many things are gross. As I experimented, some things tasted ok. Don't know if it depends on dosage.
    200mg was more than enough to work. Who knows, 100 could have been fine. At first I ate, then found I needed less and less to feel satisfied.
    Then I got greedy, and asked for more. 400mg is actually unnecessary.
    Yeah, I still do have an appetite at night. I fast all day, only drink water. Then in the evening sometimes I eat something lite. But never very much. Sometimes nothing.
    Oh, and I do not take my second pill at bed time (don't need to feel full when I sleep), I take it in the early evening. Helped stop my habitual nighttime binging.