Sunday, February 21, 2010

What's wrong is that I so often *enjoy* eating...

...and I should have trained myself, by now, to abhor eating, instead.

K says it all comes down to wanting one thing more than you want another thing.

How simple. How true.

If I wanted to be thin badly enough, I would just stop eating.

If seeing my bones and being free of this fat, disgusting body I've created for myself was of UTMOST importance...then I wouldn't even have the desire to eat when I'm not hungry, since that will do nothing but bring me the opposite, and therefore, more pain.


How much simpler could it be?

And why the fuck is it not simple at all?


  1. Thanks so much for your lovely comment! It makes me want to do extra well knowing that other people look at me as inspiration :) And I did update my stats this morning. 125 baby! As of this morning. Such a delightful treat to wake up to! Stay lovely and think skinny!

  2. My mind is exploding you don't know how much I agree. (Okay, maybe not exploding...)

    It is simple: either you know exactly what you want or you don't. You will get what you want or you won't. You are what you want or you've fucked yourself up.

    It is so black and white. But the illness is what messes us up, you know? We let other things get to us.

  3. sameeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! It's SO FRUSTRATING. It makes me want to scream! I HATE how I enjoy eating. It's the thing I realllllly don't like about myself!

    THANKYOU for the lovely comments :D

    Love Battle xxxxx

  4. I am a person who always sees things in black or white terms. Either I got a 100% on the exam, or I might as well have failed. In some ways, thinking like that makes things oh, so much simpler.

    But when I have to wrap my head around something that has so much gray area... I have an extra hard time understanding it. This is one of those times when it would be so much simpler to think in black or white, and just skip all the gray parts. But why are there SO MANY gray parts?

    Maybe it's all a matter of conquering the gray parts, sorting them to fit into the Dark or Light side, and controlling how they effect us.

    I'd say it's a lot harder than words can express in a comment box.

  5. its the curse of the extremist, isn't it? and aren't sufferers of ED (no matter which one or what) extremists? i sure think so.

  6. I hear ya. So many times I wish I could absolutely hate it.
    But we can't... It's against human nature to hate what keeps us alive.
    So, if it makes you feel better; it's not you, it's just your body!

  7. Also, I picked up a cucumber today at the grocery store :)

  8. I agree with Dreams.And.Bones. Its so simple that it gets complicated in the figuring out. Its like 4 + 4 = 8. We all know 4 + 4 = 8, but before we knew it we couldn't have begun to understand. I'm getting confused even trying to make sense, but I just wanted to say that I'm right there with you.

    Also, I didn't comment on it earlier, but I love the new haircut <3

  9. P.D, listen to my new revelation over the weekend before you throw that cucumber at me! ;)

    It's alright to enjoy eating. There's nothing wrong about that. The problem is that I/we don't know when to stop. And so we train ourselves to hate food because we fear that one chocolate cookie will open Pandora's Binge Box.

    Self-control is not about not eating. It's about knowing when to stop.

    *big bear hug*