*zombiefied*

Serotonin overload. No, it's not a good thing. Not in the slightest.

I'm a zombie. I skipped class today for so many reasons, but at this point I can't even differentiate between the actual reasons and the justifications, the excuses.

I didn't want to go.
I feel nauseous.
I'm freezing.
I wasn't prepared, hadn't read.
The weather is total shit.
I was running late anyway.
I'm sick, and I can't stop coughing.
I haven't bought the book we were supposed to discuss.
My pupils are huge and my heart is fluttering, not in a good way.

Done complaining yet? GEEZ! You lovely ladies CERTAINLY did not come here to read my bitching and moaning. Or did you? ... If you did, that's awfully sweet of you, but it's not necessary. If I get too bad, just kick me in the shin or something.

I upped my Wellbutrin (SSRI) dosage to 300 mg a day from 150. Crazy, you might say? Not really. I've been prescribed that much in the past, I've just chosen to subsist on less for the past year or so. Lately, my depression has gotten so bad that I figured it couldn't hurt, right? And if it didn't work, then just go back to the lower dose.

Yeah............

Turns out it *can* hurt. My brain produces its own serotonin and dopamine, but doesn't keep it circulating in there long enough to keep me... normal? Happy? Whatever. It doesn't do what it's supposed to do. So my meds basically keep these lovely chemicals circulating longer, preventing (inhibiting) them from being reabsorbed until they've had their chance to fully affect me as they should. Does any of this make sense? :P There's a good chance that a great many of you are reading this and thinking, "Uh, duh, we already know what antidepressants do in the brain, thanks for the elementary lesson in stuff-we-don't-care-about." :P Well. Then. Moving on.

My thoughts are incredibly incongruous right now. Disjointed. Agitated. And I feel like I need to barf. But I won't. Maybe I will. It'll be the first time I've done so involuntarily since the last time I was wasted. Few weeks ago. *sigh...* I'm bothering even mySELF with the pointlessness of this post.

I wanted you guys to know that I've received and read your lovely comments, and have begun reading your blogs as well, but that for some reason, I can hardly bring myself to write here, as my mind is all a mess at this point in time, and so I have not commented when I feel I should have. FML. P.D. is no longer allowed to alter her brain chemistry to a harmful degree...or to any degree...

I'm leaving now.

I love you all.

Oh, and... 1400 calories yesterday, ON PURPOSE. Yeah, the healthy thing? New low weight this morning. 131.0.

Kickbutt.