Monday, March 8, 2010

82 followers?! Holy shit, you guys..You are freakin' AWESOME.

I've been engaging in some major thinspo-stalking today...It's been incredibly inspiring and ridiculously disheartening at the same time. I'm trying to focus on the former. Duh.

I feel tired. This doesn't make sense, since I've had more sleep in the past 24 hours than I've had in...well, a long time. Hm. ANYway...

Today starts my new plan of action. The plan itself isn't necessarily new, just my taking it up and all. 900 calories today. That was the plan. I'm probably at about 900 right now, and it's 5 PM. I'm not hungry, but I'm eating an apple and a nectarine with strawberries, all cut up and covered in splenda and cinnamon and microwaved to taste like pie or cobbler. Of course, it's heavenly and healthy...but it's still a miniature fail because I'm not hungry. I'm actually full, of miracle noodles (zero cal) and I'm still eating, and a very large quantity of food at that. Yeah. That's the problem at hand. That's what needs to be addressed. I can pretend, for a while, like an actress in a role...Just restricting and keepin' on and riding the wave of internal lies til I can't stand it anymore, but really deep down dying to binge...constantly.

Or maybe that's normal. Maybe that's fine. Maybe it's not.

Maybe if I "act" successful at this long enough, I'll be successful. That makes sense...*sigh*

I'm sorry. I'm braindead. Probably doesn't make for a very interesting blog. I promise I had something awesome for you, about an hour ago, but instead I sat and painted. It's therapeutic.

Oh! I remember. So. I took some pictures today. Of myself. Ew, right? GROSS!! No, don't worry, I'm not posting them. Yet. Maybe I'll make a huge weight-loss success story before-and-after collage after I'm done (ha...that's laughable). Today I took my first "before" photos. Brutally honest photos, too, not like the ones I'd usually take for myself... These were straight up, face forward, full body-length all up in my skivvies. One from the side, one from the back (*shudder* Oh, the horror!!), and one from the front, disgustingly huge thighs touching (again) and all. I plan to take one once a week for as long as it takes to get to 110 (or 118)...haven't decided yet. Seeing as that today I'm at 138 (holyfuckingbabyjesusinascubasuit), I've got a LONG way to go. But you know what?


I am. For real. Do you believe in me?


  1. I believe in you, good luck, keep at it! :)

  2. I so fucking believe in you girl!
    And yes, we can fake it til we make it. Kind of like a placebo effect... it's success by mind-mojo!

    xoxo zen

  3. I believe in you, PD!!!

    Keep this attitude up! Food is the enemy!! (Unhealthy food, anyway, and you KNOW what that consists of.)

    Ps I really like when you post pics! You remind me of a friend I had once, her name was Jeanine, highly doubt you are her, but whatevs...both pretty girls. So yeah!

    Idk! I am procrastinating right now, but I must say I miss your longer posts, you really write well, and I can relate to a lot (besides having a kid).

    Stay strong girl! Let's motivate each other!

    Take care, hun : )

    How is school going? It is almost killing me, but flying by at least.

    Alright. ENough rambling, Sar.


  4. You sound SO positive today, and that is the key! As long as you keep up this can-do attitude, you can do anything you want :) I know you're going to rock this weight loss, and I totally have faith in you and believe in you! Positive posting is the best!


  5. Of course I believe in you. What's most important is that YOU believe in you :)

    You can def do it if you really want to and decide to.

    I believe!!! lol

    Empty is Strong ;)

  6. I totally believe in you! I love that you are feeling strong and powerful to take control of your life. You CAN do this and you WILL!