My bones are starting to show more again, but the scale tells the same tale....

My fingers are numb and cold and my head is scattered... I've got that lovely floaty, hazy feeling, though, so I know I'm doing well.

I'm so weak, though...that's the thing. I'm sitting in the school cafeteria area, next to Chick-fil-A, not even close to tempted by anything they have to offer there. That's a nice feeling. I'm back to hating the idea of eating, and I love it. Sometimes it's a fear of the food...maybe not fear, more like apprehension...just an overall feeling of "I'd rather walk ten miles in the pouring, freezing rain than consume a single calorie and let it make me fatter."

Sometimes it's more like the feeling of power over food. I'm stronger than it, you see, and I'm the boss, and it can't tell me what to eat, and I choose to eat nothing. So there.

Either way, I feel incredibly dizzy and I'm honestly a little bit scared to stand up for fear of blacking out, but I'll be careful, don't worry. I'll sip on my tea and finish my carrots and mushroom slices and maybe even eat that apple I brought... god, my body is hating me for this.

I see tracers. Little floaty colorful beings with no substance to speak of, only fluid movement. Spots. Stars. I see 'em.

I keep getting goosebumps. It's like 70 degrees out and sunny. Hmmmmmm.....

Sorry I'm so spacey. I think I had something of real merit to type today, but I don't remember what it was. I think my healthy side is trying to tell me I need to eat something, but I'm so wanting to tell her to screw herself. Today is a 600 calorie day. I'm at like 400. Yeah...Can't afford to eat.

*siiiigh*

My piercing is driving me insane. The little irritated pink and white bump/scar tissue on the inside is only getting bigger, and now it's painful. I'm worried about it. I've already gone back to my piercer twice after the initial deed; she's going to get tired of seeing me. Plus I haven't been doing what she told me to do... chamomile tea bags and saline soaks every day, twice a day, three times a day if it doesn't improve...What do I do instead? I chew and spit an entire personal breakfast pizza, a package of chocolate cupcakes, a glazed donut, and half a bag of miniature cinnamon sugar donuts.

Yeah...that can't be good for it.

My reaction time is so slowed. It's like I'm high. I watch my hand travel from the keyboard to my tupperware container of carrots, reach in sloooowly, take one, sloooowly bring it to my lips...it's like real life is in slow-mo...and I wonder if all of the people I imagine are staring at me are seeing how slowly I'm moving, too...

Probably not.

<3 Love you guys...