Saturday, March 20, 2010

All day long, I've been snacking...

...mostly vegetables, a little pasta when I made dinner for K, and then a few pieces of fruit...oatmeal for breakfast...some cereal. All day. Just munching away. Barely allowing hunger to creep in before immediately satisfying it, rather than letting it make me floaty and lovely and thin.


Such is the weekend. Nearly every weekend goes this way. No bueno. Oh. And I forgot to mention an apple, sliced, with peanut butter. Yes. Peanut butter.

As I was eating it (only two tbsp, so 190 cal...but still!!) I actually thought, for just one fleeting moment, "You know, peanut butter isn't all that long as you don't overdo it, it's really actually pretty okay..." Uhhh...

Who died and made me president...nay, QUEEN!...of Crazyville?

What the hell? I mean, honestly...

I've just been in a weird mode all day. I literally spent my entire day on this couch. How lame can I get, huh? No exercise, probably close to 1,200 calories. Oh wait...then there's my vodka and Sprite Zero sitting over here... Yep. Gotta add those in there too, huh?

I'm still puzzled over here over the apparent slimness of certain parts of me, the complete failure of the scale to notice this, and the completely hideous fatness of other parts of me. Don't get me wrong, I adore the comments you guys leave me...but I'm actually, in all reality...really huge. Seriously. Ugh. I so want to leave a more complete picture for you...One that shows the truth...But I'm so scared of it, too. I want you to see why I must try so hard... My upper body is being so good to me, behaving and showing the fruits of my efforts...Everything else... GAH. So bad. I swear, I carry all of my weight below my belly button. My top half could honestly pass for a decent thin human being. The other... seemingly hopeless.

So man...yeah...I went from 99 to 102 today? Wow!!

Followers, I mean.


I just reread that and thought how fucking INCREDIBLE it would be if that sentence had been formed in reference to my weight...Fuuuuuuuuuuck....

K is asleep and I'm sitting on his couch (only my fat ass's FAVORITE PLACE TO BE!!) watching Comedy Central. It's 9:51 PM on a Saturday night. Watching Grandma's Boy. I feel like my brain is out fishin'. Put up a sign and all.

Ah well. I'm sorry to have bored you...but just in case I entertained/amused you or disgusted/bothered you, I am glad and/or apologize, respectively.

Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing you are.


I should leave before I make any less sense.


  1. I seriously appreciate all of the comments you leave me! Mmm, I'd love to go fishing right now, but all of the good lakes are iced over. I was definitely entertained/amused by this post! I suppose everyone has those days where vodka is completely necessary, so I don't blame you. You know, peanut butter is my Achilles heel. I can just sit there and devour a jar with a spoon; it's freaking GROSS. Nutella is like that too.

    Anyway, stay in there! I'm not surprised you have so many followers (it's because you're awesome)!


  2. Eating continuously throughout the day is good for your metabolism, and if your metabolism is high then your weight is less likely to bounce back rapidly, drop rapidly and then bounce back even higher. That's not an open invitation to binge on crap all day, but if you're eating good stuff, then it should at least lessen your anxiety.

    If you were hopping from drive thru to drive thru, then you'd be just like 3/4 of our country ha ha.

  3. I know the feeling of the lies of the scale, if only recently. Try your best to push through it? I keep telling myself that it's my muscle building back up after a very long dormant state and it just has a bigger battle to fight with my fat. I'm sorry to say that it's all the advice I have.
    Side note: I watched Grandma's Boy tonight too! And my brain is right there with yours.

  4. I don't mind reading your ramblings, I can be a bit of a rambler too :)
    Don't worry about the scale too much, it will get some sense soon. xo.

  5. I relate muchly to the upper body vs. lower body thing - right now, mine are both disgusting, but often when I do get skinny, it is my upper body first and then the rest.

    So hang in there, I'm sure your below-belly half will follow the good example of the upper half soon.
    xoxo Mary

  6. Peanut butter is my one weakness! I eat it on everything at the moment. Bread, bikkies, CELERY! YES CELERY! Is that not the most outrageous thing you've ever heard. I'm ashamed to say but I made a peanut butter and tomato sauce sandwich when I woke up this morning which I know sounds so disgusting and makes me want to vomit at the thought (that's why I'm blaming this on pregnancy hehe!) but don't knock it til you try it ;) ;)
    Lots of hugs darling <3 <3 xoxox

  7. Peanut butter cookies for me. No bueno. :/

    I don't even like peanut butter all that much...but when my body wants a binge, it doesn't care. Sometimes I think it even goes for the higher calorie stuff on purpose.

    Hugs <3

    P.S. Your picture is incredible. And you are beautiful, outside and in. :)

  8. I am slightly jealous of your life :) Sounds so carefree and fun.
    Don't worry about lazy days, everyone deserves a day of sitting around doing nothing :)
    Take care!

  9. lol @ the peanut butter, the fat bitch who resides in the back of my head was trying to play the same trick on me recently. "Oh come on, what's a little peanut butter?" IT'S EXTRA BLUBBER ON MY THIGH, that's what. >_<

    Anyways girl, I have just had the chance to catch up on your blog (thoroughly) for the first time since I have been back on here and god, you have no idea how inspiring you are!!! You're so persistent in the struggle, so brave and courageous... so much more than you know. You're eternally inspiring to me and believe me I will be thinking of your BEAUTIFUL self (and your lovely ribs hehee) all throughout this month.

    Sending lots and lots of love and strength