My metabolism make-a me CRAZY!

135.6.

That's what the scale tells me this morning.

I should be rejoicing, right? Instead of questioning...

I can justify just about anything (as many of us are apt to do in times of desperation or confusion) and I can usually come up with a relatively logical explanation for the many odd little circumstances and events in my daily life...

..but honestly? I've gotta stop making up shit.

I see the number on the scale and I step off. I wait. I step back on. This is normal, right? Sure, everyone does this, five, maybe even eleven times...

Okay, maybe not eleven.

It doesn't change. 135.6, it says, and I'm officially confuzzled. Wasn't it 138.something yesterday? And didn't I consume at least 2,200 calories yesterday, as well? Didn't I end my night with a piece of chocolate, a bowl of cereal, string cheese, and two handfuls of crackers?

And it's down?

My metabolism, see...It likes to fuck with my head. I starved myself throughout last week, only to see the SAME 137/138 on the scale by the week's end. I felt so...defeated. I was already physically weak from negative intake... and now it was after my determination. (Don't know what "IT" is, but IT's something evil.) All of my work, all of my effort, for nothing? To see not even an ounce of permanent loss?

And so I ate. I didn't full-on binge, but I definitely ate some things I shouldn't have, and I most certainly ate FAR beyond the point of being full. I even let myself have/punished myself with a 400 calorie Frappucino. And...now? I weigh less.

My rationalization? I may have put my body into what can be seen as the beginnings of the notorious "starvation mode" (I add quotations of doubt here because I'm still not sure I believe in this BS) by starving so well for the past six or seven days... Eating just little enough to tell my body to start storing fat rather than burn it. Thus, the stagnation of the scale. Then, just *maybe*...my eating over 1,700 for two days in a row reminded it that all is well in P.D.ville and that it's okay to go ahead and stop holding onto EVERY SINGLE THING I put into my mouth/body.

Hm. I'd like to think that my hypothesis is correct, but there's really no way to tell. I wish there was. You remember the Magic School Bus? Those books, that cartoon? Wasn't it great, how they could just shrink the fuck outta their little yellow school bus and zoom and zip right up someone's left nostril to see what was goin' on in their brain?



Yeah, they should invent that. (Once again, I'm not sure who "they" are, but "they" should be wealthy intellectuals with school transportation invention prowess...) Yes. That would be mighty convenient, no?

So I'm fairly sure I failed my chemistry exam today. Scratch that... I'm positive I did. I'd be willing to bet money on it. I don't have very much money. That should give you some indication of how certain I am of my own failure.

Whatever. I really didn't have the chance/motivation/desire to study for that exam. I hate chemistry. The entire time I was reading my chem book, little B (bless her perfect, innocent, beautiful little heart) was asking me if she could help me study. I asked her how she intended to help me. She said that I could write a word, and then teach her how to write it.

And so I did.

Of course, this took about twenty minutes and had absolutely jack shit to do with chemical formulas, ionic compounds, fuel cell batteries, etc., but all in all, I think it was a FAR more enriching experience than any of that other shit could have afforded us.

Moral of the story?

Chemistry sucks and being a parent first is ALWAYS more important.

So I may have to take the class again next semester. Hopefully I'll get a better professor and everything will be just dandy... or maybe I'll take astronomy.
You may think that chemistry would be more useful in life, but I'd have to disagree. Who the heck DOESN'T want to go to a dinner party and, whilst sipping on fancy wine and chowing down on expensive caviar, be lectured in the awe-inspiring science of how frickin' badass I am because I know the names of every single star in Orion's sexy muscular constellation bod? Hmm?

All right, I should go. Sorry, long-ish post. I've gotta go write a sonnet for poetry class and then read a chapter on how cool odes are. Yeah. Odes.

Hope you're all just wonderful! Can't wait to catch up with all of your stuff.

<3