I wonder if there's a way to see how many blogs I follow without my having to scroll down that sidebar and count. I'd say definitely over 100. Maybe more. Meh...
I'm dizzy. Yeah, I prefaced that up there ^^^, didn't I?
It's 12:47 PM and I'm at 200. I like that. I like that a lot. I like it so much right now that I never want to eat again. Yeah. That's the strength I find in weakness. Fun stuff.
Of course, I'll have to eat later. My best friend and her boyfriend will be coming up to visit and it'll be right around dinnertime. And naturally, since we're fat Americans (or do others do this as well?), we can't help but centralize EVERY social occasion around food and eating. I requested that I have the honor of picking the restaurant, so for the next hour or so I'll be trolling teh interwebs for healthy-ish eating-out type places in the area where we'll be meeting up... The two of them know about my ED but are under the impression that I'm fighting it, trying to recover, blah blah bliggity blah.
I have to keep up that facade, though, so as to avoid intervention of my evil masterplan... I was even thinking of using the fact that my lip is still (STILL!) swollen from my piercing and the growing scar tissue as an excuse not to eat... Check it out! ...ignoring the dreaded underarm fat, of course. Please and thank you.
Like, maybe I could play it up big time (even though it doesn't hurt all that much and doesn't inhibit my eating one iota) and say that all I can do is drink tea and water and protein shakes or something stupid like that. Can't just say "soft foods only" because then mashed potatoes and creamy soups will inevitably be offered. NOPE! Not this girl. She's rollin' on four days of awesomely liberating restriction and not stopping til she hits 118. :D
Speaking of weight...One pound down from yesterday. I know I should be happy, but really, I know it's mostly water weight gone. And it's not 135. And it's not 118. All in good time. 136.8 is better than Monday's weight of 138. Gotta look at the big picture, right?
So I'm hungry. My oatmeal and broccoli/shrimp mixture that's brought me to 200 for today is apparently gone from me now. I want to eat that 120 calorie soup so badly right now. I know I won't. I also have an insatiable c/s craving right now for chocolate glazed donuts. I will probably indulge in a little c/s before dinner tonight. *sigh...* I know it's not okay. In my mind, though, it's keeping me from all-out bingeing and so therefore it's something I'll continue to do on occasion until the desire to eat those things has completely disappeared. Well on my way.
Heh, little B is something else. She's jumping around the room, stomping and singing and clapping her perfect little hands: "Let's all do the potty dance! Let's all wear our BIG KID pants!!" Ha.
Tea. Tea will not help the dizziness, but it will fill me up for now. And probably send me to pee for the seventy-eighth time today.
I love you all. Muah. :*
<3
Ooh! Me first! Me first!
ReplyDeleteI had oatmeal today. I had 2 servings. But it has done me well in totally filling me up to the point where I could probably be comfortable not eating again til around 8pm or so. I would like that very much. Oatmeal, work your magic.
I hear ya on c/s. When I was at work on Friday I went to the coffee area to fill up my water bottle from the faucet and RIGHT next to the sink were two sugar twist doughnuts. I don't even know what came over me, I grabbed one and started c/s-ing before I could even yell at my hand and tell it "NO!". The worst part was someone came by and I couldn't let him see me spit it out so I had to finish the other half while he filled up his coffee cup! Oh, stupid stupid! Had I not even started the damn thing, I wouldn't have had to finish it in front of him! That was a bust.
But in the safety of your home all alone, its a little easier to indulge. And although it is kind of wasteful, at least you're not purging. c/sing doesn't mess up your electrolytes and teeth and skin and face and organs. So? A win, if you have to have one or the other.
LOVE! (Thats right, I shouted it at you!)
Emily
Take care of yourself! I hate the way that every occasion seems to need to revolve around food. I hate having to do social things that involve food.
ReplyDeleteLittle B sounds so adorable :)
Ah, when I got my tongue pierced it was a lovely excuse. Went out to eat with the girls and even ordered some real fatty soup from the menu. I went to take a sip and went "oooh owww". We all laughed. Obviously it was still sore. Silly me! They felt bad. I could only sip tea as they enjoyed their meals. *snicker*
ReplyDeleteMy fucken tongue was fine, but it hurt every time I had to go to a social function.
xoxo zen
aaaaaaaah right THIS piercing!
ReplyDeletesorry.
yeah maybe it's nice to have such a swollen lip after all, huh? :D