Lovin' up on some emptiness...

...ah, there it is. That lovely hunger. I've missed you.

Tonight is my first night back in my own house in weeks. The fridge is full of groceries, thanks to my uncle, but most of it is relatively healthy (or so fucking unhealthy that I'm positively repulsed by it; think bacon, sour cream, ground beef, etc.) so there's very little danger here. Atkins granola bars are 200 calories a piece, but full of protein and chocolate flavor that tends to curb my cravings. Half of one is enough...c/s the other half and I'm all good.

So I said I wouldn't do it until the morning, but...God, my scale just missed me so much! I had to. I weighed (yes, in the evening, after eating and drinking all day long) 139 tonight. Holy shit fuck, I know! God damn. But... You know, I'm not going to let it get me down. More than likely, I'll weigh 136 or so in the morning...maybe 137. I can do this. I have to get it down. My goal of 127 by the 26th of January...yeah, that's gonna be pushing it. But I know I can do it. Just gonna require lots of hardcore restriction and as much exercise as I can possibly manage to eke out of this out-of-practice body of mine...I can do this.

I think I'm going to try planning out my meals. I've never really done it...I usually count calories as I go throughout my day, keeping them meticulously recorded on a tiny slip of paper that can easily fit into any pocket or purse...But planning one's meals is a good idea, I've heard. I shall try it.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting up with a friend of mine from middle/high school for lunch. Why must everything revolve around food? You can't just meet up at a coffee shop where I can have a calorie free black coffee like any other self-respecting weight-obsessed freak? I'll have a salad, thank you. Better yet, can you just bring me a plate of lettuce? kthxbai.

We shall see how that goes. Either way, it'll be good to see her. Catch up. Goodness knows it's been a while. Shit. Five years since I graduated high school. Ugh. Feelin' old at the moment. My eleven gray hairs remind me, too, anytime I lean in close enough to see them in the mirror. Oh, they're there. To stay. Pulling them out does NOT work.

And yes, tomorrow is the first day back to the gym. I can hardly wait. I know I'll need to try and pace myself; my endurance is always the first to go when I take any sort of leave from my usual routine. I want to burn at least 600 calories...shooting for more, of course, but we'll see.

Ah, my stomach is growling at me. Hush now... future Me will be so proud of present Me for abstaining. Ana is proud, and optimistic. She's willing to accept the fact that tomorrow's scale will tell us something we don't necessarily want to hear, because I have nothing but the purest and strongest and truest intentions of shedding this shit FAST. She's in my corner. :)

I hope all of you lithe lovelies are having a good evening/morning/afternoon... I'll update soon! <3