Thursday, January 28, 2010

The scale and I...we're friends nowadays...

Monday, Jan. 25: 135.6

Tuesday, Jan. 26: 134.2

Wednesday, Jan. 27: 133.8

Today, Jan. 28: .....

132.6 !!!!!!!

Please, join me for a moment, and bask in sheer loveliness of these numbers....

*contented sigh...*

I love my will-power right now. It's rewarding me, my dedication is. It's reminding me of what I can and will achieve, just so long as I stick to this path and forsake all others... Ah, my Ana, thank you so much for returning to me. I've missed you so very much.

I've been missing about every other day as far as the gym is concerned. A part of me is wondering if this is a good thing; perhaps some of my very rapid loss is at least partly due to the fact that I'm not building up all that muscle mass, working for hours on the elliptical as I usually do. Hmm. Not that I should even consider removing my cardio from my routine...I need it to keep my metabolism up in the face of near-starvation. But still...maybe every other day is enough? Gah, I've been going to the gym every single day for so long, it feels weird to miss it. Then again, if I'm only consuming about 800 calories a day AND walking about campus and whatnot, perhaps that's enough. Perhaps? Apparently, it is. The scale loves me lately.

As I stepped up on it this morning, I was honestly prepared for it to tell me the same thing it did yesterday, as I did eat two bowls of veggies and some salad pretty late last night. While I know those calories are hardly significant in the grand scheme of things, the ruffage is still there, hanging out inside my body and weighing more than it oughtta. Anyway, 132 was definitely a HUGE surprise. :) And I couldn't be happier. I'll be down to 131 within the next few days, and then 130, and then...Holy shit, could it be? 120s??? I would have never imagined it possible a year ago, as I stood staring at a scale that read 147, 150, even more... I have to keep this up. While the rational, reasonable side of me understands that fluctuations are normal and it's quite possible that I'll more than likely gain a bit here and there before I lose all of this... the fully capable and very determined ana side says that ANY gain, no matter how small or temporary, is unacceptable, and so therefore less and less food must be consumed until... well... We'll get to that when we get to it.

Anyway, I'm sitting at school after class, just typing away, completely free to go home and yet I'd rather stay here. Why? Because leaving this art building means I have to walk through the nasty rain about 20 minutes to my car. Leaving means I have to return to the real world where my responsibilities require my time, effort, and money. Leaving means going outside into the open air where, despite the fact that I'm so much thinner today than I have ever felt, there will be hundreds and hundreds of girls so much smaller and more beautiful than myself, and my eyes will not be able to tear themselves from their perfect little legs, arms, collarbones, waists... Mostly legs. I'm glad when it's sunny because then my sunglasses hide the fact that I'm staring in awe and in jealousy.

I think I'll post a picture of myself from yesterday. I was feeling pretty, thinking of you ladies, and thought I'd snap a photo just in case you were wondering how I was looking. :P

Appointment with the university psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss getting my regular antidepressants refilled. Just give me the damn refill and stop messing with my head!! :P She'll want to talk about my ED. She's going to weigh me. The appointment is scheduled for 3 so I have plenty of time to load up on veggies and water (and heavy clothing) before she pulls out that little pen and paper and starts her dissection.

All right, my back hurts. This bench is NOT built for comfort. I'll talk to you soon, lovelies. Can't wait to catch up on all your blogs. :)



  1. Congrats, gorgeous!!! You are doing so well, you're such an inspiration. Don't worry about missing the gym sometimes; walking around campus is definitely burning calories and keeping your metabolism and circulation going. Keep up the amazing work!! <3

    Lots of love to you as always



    I wish the scale and I were friends, those are some awesome numbers! And - you will be in the 130's in no time too!

    Question - how did the tat feel on the inside of your bicep? I'm getting one on the inside of my left bicep - writing as well.. all my other tats are on my core (left side - right side/hipish area, lower back, lower stomach..) so I have nothing to compare it too..


  3. The scale adores you!

  4. Thats amazing!
    And btw youre gorgeous :]

  5. Yowza! Watch out, you're burning up the blogpage! haha Sorry, that's corny, I know,m but seriously, that's awesome! Congrats on the weight loss/ meaningful gain of self-esteem! Woot! Thanks also for saying how much you weighed a year ago - it gives me hope that I too can do this... Ah, hope. Well, have fun, and I look forward to reading more! Peace.

  6. Wow congrats on making them numbers go down! I love how you post photos of yourself so often. You're so beautiful :)

  7. You are truly beautiful :)
    Your blog is definitely one of my favourites, so don't you dare stop writing! ;)

    You're doing amazingly! And have just (subconsciously) encouraged me to get out of this stupid slump that i have avoided posting about today...

    Keep going, you deserve to be happy :)
    Xx. Lillie

  8. sooo exciting! thats super inspirational :)
    you've come so far!
    we're at about the same weight right now... i really wana keep up with you...
    love the tat :P jealous, im guna get one one day..
    you're so beautiful too... like bone structure and skin tone... its so ironic... the beautiful ones get the ed's...

  9. You are GORGEOUS! Inside and out! :)

    And congrats on the lovely lower numbers! You are doing so great! You are my current thinspiration baby. ;)